Many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. A friend of mine recently obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. I certainly hope it will assist your own planning efforts. It reads as follows:

6:00 am	Gym
8:00 am	Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9:00 am	Hair appointment
10:00 am	Shopping (preferably at Marshall Fields's, Macy's or Nordstom's)
12:00 pm	Brunch
2:00 pm	1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State, and Local Governments, as well as all other national governments, 2) destroy all healthy marriages, 3) replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels, 4) bulldoze all houses of worship, 5) secure total control of the Internet and all mass media, and 6) be fabulous
2:30 pm	Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest
4:00 pm	Cocktails
6:00 pm	Light Dinner (soup, salad [with arugula and balsamic vinegar dressing], Chardonnay)
8:00 pm	Theater
10.30 pm	Cocktails in the 'hood
12:00 am	Bed (du jour)